Sometimes I want to have a pity party for me because this damn lupus sneaks up out of nowhere….then I just say self suck it up buttercup this will pass just ride it out…Then my mind tries to mess with me and tell me you can’t handle that pain or you might want to just give up because the pain will only get worse before it gets better…..At that point my faith kicks in and I remember a week prior when it was difficult to walk, hard to breathe and I was just plain miserable….When everything including the third grey hair in my widows peak was throbbing…. When my pinky toe was in a spasm for two days…..I remember all of that and look back to see that I still pushed through… fought through the pain…. realized that a pity party was a shitty party and shook all that shit off and kept going and I get my mind in
C. Calming myself down and realizing I’ve been here and been past it before..
H. Helping myself by using that calm mind to understand that although I like to be superwoman that even I have to help myself and put my cape on it’s hanger in order to bust through it all…
E. Empty my mind, body and soul of all that is toxic… be it food, thoughts, actions….I empty it all and literally write that emptiness and burn it and flush it down the toilet….
C. Control my breathing, my thoughts, my intake of all! Turning off the TV, lights, computer….simply sitting in the dark and recovering through prayer and meditation….
K. Keep reminding myself that I must be kind to me.. I can’t abuse my body, my mind, my soul when I am feeling great…I have to keep it in perspective and realize that I am not what I used to be but I’m so much better that I could be and sometimes keeping it simple is the best way to be kind to me….
Today is the day I am getting in C.H.E.C.K so I can revive myself and allow me to refresh and renew.
I could blame it all on lupus if I wanted to…. I could not take responsibility for some of the things I do to sometimes piss the hell out of lupus and for it to try and flatten me….. But nah that would really make it all worse. The pity parties never work for me, for when I look in the mirror with tears in my eyes that glimmer shines and says Rocky C’mon girl this is just a sign that you need to rest and not overdo it. When the pity party starts to blow the horns inviting me with great drinks and dancing… I shake my head no thanks and head off to relax and refresh….It’s hard sometimes to get through not wanting to pity myself, but I swear when I shut off the nonsense of even entertaining the thought it sure does give me a fresh perspective of the strength carried inside to move forward without the shackles of pity and sadness…..
It’s a good place to be when I don’t allow the pain and change in my physical me to dictate what God has truly made me to be…
JUST SAY NO TO THE PITY PARTY!
SO THE PITY PARTY IS OVER, IT’S DONE…. IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEGUN!
Time to move on to a refreshed me!