For A Moment

Dear Lupus,

For a moment, I’m dropping the fake smile, letting the tears run, and I am releasing all of the pain created by you towards me. Sometimes, I’m not OK, sometimes I’m not fine, and because of you lupus, sometimes I’m just not happy. So just leave me alone now!

OK! OK…..OK…..

Release……. Release…….

Breathing….. Breathing…..

Release…… Release….

Screaming…. Screaming…..

Rolling on the floor crying…….

Release….. Release……

Hugging my pillow tight crying…..

Release…. Release…..

Breathe….. Breathe…..

Crying…. Screaming… Yelling… Cursing… Punching…. Falling to the floor… Breathing in out…in out… Release…. Release… Crying…. Release…. Breathing in and out…..

Calming down….. Release…… Breathe…. Sob….. Release…. Release….. Taking a deep breath……. Counting……. Going to my happy place…… Release….. Breathe…..

Picking myself up…… Breathe….. Breathe….

Wiping my tears….. Breathe…… Breathe…..

Dusting myself off….. Breathe… Breathe….

Clearing my throat…. Taking a deep breath….. Swallowing the fear that develops in my throat… Pulling from faith deep within me…. Asking God to control me…. Begging for God to breathe life abundantly in me…. Meditating…. Allowing more of the power of the almighty and less of me… Removed fear… Removed pain….

Lupus… For a moment…. Just for a moment you had me engulfed in your madness… For a moment you distracted my walk in faith…. Only for a moment you slapped me around and tried to blind me with your tricks… Only for a moment….

Fixing my hair…. Washing my face…. Straightening out my clothes… Throwing my hands up and saying thank you Lord for that release…. I’m ready for the day…. One last lonely tear of joy rolling down from eye…

Thank God for release!

#LupusInColor

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s