Sometimes my look does not match how I feel, today is one of those days. I wouldn’t wish Lupus on the devil but I’d sure toss it in his fire to be burned.
Many people say pray on it as if I haven’t done that already…. Many say God is a healer as if I don’t already know this…Many say you’re too pretty to be sick like sick has a specific look… Many say well at least it’s not cancer as if lupus is a fake disease less than cancer….Many even say well at least you aren’t as bad as so and so as if my pain and struggle is less important to me…..Others say to me…your life is perfect and you’ve got it all together, as if their perception is the right one …Many believe oh she’s positive because her life is all that and a bag of chips as if my positive can only come with the perfect life…
The things I hear as I look pretty to the eye and my body inside fights a ugly battle to try to devour and destroy my organs, really is amazing. As if dealing with a chronic illness isn’t hard enough I have to deal with the people,who probably mean well, but are clueless to what is present in my life day in and day out. When the simple art of breathing is a task… When getting out of bed is as difficult as getting up off the mat after a big heavyweight bout with Ali…the last thing I need is someone’s mindless chatter in my already confused chatter of my own mind.
I don’t want anyone’s sympathy, the last thing I want or need is sympathy. My life isn’t over, I’m not dead…. I just want people to think before releasing the thoughts that come to mind. Not everything is as it appears and your perceptions of an individual is usually way off. It makes more sense to simply say hope you feel better than to go into doctor, preacher, I know exactly what herbs you need to make you better, smoke this blunt, drink this juice, try this workout mode.
If you don’t know about my struggle, don’t pretend to know how I should handle it. If at the very least ask me about lupus and how it affects me….And, please dont assume because God has carried me and continues to carry and cradle me all the way and breathed in me the strength to hold on that all is prefect. Realize that many struggles are unseen and if I looked the way I felt or the way you believe my sickness should look, you’d probably call 911 or ask for a doctor to revive me stat, yelling she’s coding she’s coding…..
It’s my lupus…. my struggle. ..I know I have it but I also know it doesn’t have me. Just understand…..Sometimes my look does not match how I feel and today is one of those days. I wouldn’t wish Lupus on the devil but I’d sure toss it in his fire to be burned….