The Irony

My mind is always racing with thoughts about my battle with Lupus. Most times I am trying to find tranquil thoughts to offset the raging war in my body. As one can imagine this is a constant struggle that is sometimes won with tranquility and other times submitted to the barrage of constant pain. Either way it always has my mind in constant thought. I find myself always trying to find a way to combat negative thoughts about this disease. In that process I have found my mind wandering from my own needs to the needs of those I love and share my life with day to day.

I know many will say Aww what a noble gesture to think of someone other than yourself. But, I believe it is sometimes a trick to bring back excessive negative thoughts about dealing with Lupus. The reason I say this is because at times I get into a mood and in thought about how painful it is for me to see my loved ones hurt and have to deal with me as I deal with this disease. I look at my friends and family and the hardest thing for me is to see my loved ones miss the old me I used to be. I mean really if that is not my mind playing tricks on me trying to allow the negative to slip back into my thought pattern I don’t know what is.

The irony of it all, thinking about the feelings of someone else while being thrusted into a plethora of negative feelings and emotions. It’s crazy how that negative can creep in and slowly try to poison your mind and soul.

Sometimes I have to just shake myself out of it and remind myself of the good things that come out of having a life altering disease. I have to shake the negatives off in order to truly begin a journey into a tranquil way of life.

I am on a quest to live in tranquility through thoughts that increase my mental health in order to generate a better physical body. There is power in positive thinking and there is healing in tranquility.

I have lupus, Lupus does NOT have ME!

#LupusInColor

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